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Today is our baby dog's 9th birthday.  I took her presents to her after I got off work today.  Now then, let give you some much needed background information on my previous relationship.

I was actually part of a poly relationship for quite awhile.  Actually that may not be completely accurate.  Yes, my ex and I were together for over 20 years.  However about 12 years ago we added another person to our relationship.  Now my ex will tell you that she only went along with it because it was what I wanted.  I have a hard time believing that is true.  I will refer to this woman as ex 2.  To this day I still love her very much.  Perhaps more than even ex 1. 

Going on the concept of how I handle the rest of my life, if I hide it then I'm telling everyone that I am ashamed of my relationship and the love that I have for them.  I only remember telling 1 person but they say I told others as well.  Now ex 2 was offended that I told anyone and felt like I was bragging about my prowess (at least this is what ex 1 told me).  I had wondered for a long time what had happened between us.  We had stopped being intimate a long time ago.  I was always afraid to ask what had happened.  I was afraid of the words "I don't love you anymore."

I have told you about the woman that I had a relationship with that called to the darker pleasures that I enjoy.  That woman is now in a relationship with ex 2.  It got very ugly for awhile.  Every time ex 1 got upset with me I had to deal with ex 2 because at time she chose sides between us.  Even though she lived with us for all those years and saw how ex 1 controlled our relationship.  She always got her way because it was easier than fighting with her.  I do not like confrontation so I just kept my mouth shut and did what she wanted. 

Today when I got to the apartment to give our baby her presents ex 2 was the only one there.  So we talked about things that was going on with me, work, school and just general things.  I asked her what we were doing for ex 1's birthday (which just happens to be on the same day as ex 2's g/f).  I mentioned how I don't want her feeling caught in the middle of all of this.  She is finally admitting that no one is innocent in what happened even though her g/f tried to say that it was all my fault and that I manipulated her into the relationship and for keeping it going for as long as it did. 

I said before and I'll say it again, I DO NOT REGRET THE RELATIONSHIP WE HAD.  I only regret that people got hurt. 

This is a new year now and there are more changes I need to make.  I need to work on how I feel about myself.  I have had a weight problem since I started school.  I have always been called names like fat, cow, dyke and many others.  I have gotten past where any comment about my orientation has any effect on me.  The weight is still an issue however.  I look at all these women and I don't wonder if they could be interested in me, what comes into my head is how could they ever be interested in me.  I admit I am no a small guy I'm built like a linebacker, I just wish it was all muscle.  This is going to be my major change this year, I will talk to my doctor and see where we go.