Now then after my so-called friend spilled her guts to my ex I really wanted to tell her what I thought. It is also part of the lifestyle to not be judgemental. She knew why I did not share these things with my ex then she judged what I did. Since that time she has completely left my life and I do not miss her at all.
The other woman I met that excepted and even desired the things I brought to her made my cravings so much stronger. Many may not understand and I can understand that. I can be a very gentle lover, letting my butterfly touch enflame your desire. I can also be very rough, leaving marks on your body as my teeth sink into the tender flesh of your breast or your inner thigh. (There are also many other things that I am capable of)
During this time I have learned that I enjoy pain, both giving and receiving. This concept was very hard for me to accept about myself. Especially since I totally contradict these things in ways such as I can't watch animal movies because it seems like they always die in the end and it will bring me to tears. Then this part of me that is sadist comes through and I have trouble with it.
This may make me sound unbalanced and I truly am far from that. In order for me to accept these things about my self I basically created a seperate persona and it was ok for Him to enjoy these things. Believe me, He enjoys them very much.
This other woman and He were only together a few times. He gave her what she asked for and took pride in the fact that there were times when it was painful for her to sit or even walk. Then to hear her tell Him how much that discomfort reminded her of Him and made her even hotter for Him.
Sounds like a match made in heaven doesn't it? Well, things happen and they are no more together. In fact, she barely speaks to me and this is after almost a year of not speaking. She is currently in a relationship with one of my best friends. I know this woman would not be good for me but the pure animal lust that she brings out in me is still there. If they were to split would I still be interested? That is hard to say, I think that before anything could happen again it would have to be a very long time after they split and I would have to still be alone.
The experience has taught me alot. Since that time, I have become much more comfortable with myself. I have always been butch but now I am in a position to embrace the more masculine side of me and the sexual leanings that I have.
I don't know if this subject has been completely expressed now or not. I guess we will see.
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