Countdown and Making Improvements

Well, the countdown has started.  I am less than 3 weeks until my court date to change my name.  I can't wait.  I am so excited that I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.  Then off for vacation and relaxation in the mountains.  It is time to recover and rejuvenate after all the drama that has been my life these last months.  After talking to my therapist the other day, I have decided that there is something that I need to thank my ex for.  After spending all my life being attracted to women I thought of myself as a heterosexual man.  I felt that the woman I ended up with would be a genetic female.  Thanks to my ex I have been able to open my eyes to a woman that has been right before my eyes for months now.  I realize that all the times I have seen her before I had to force myself not to stare at her.  (She would've thought I was some creepy guy)

Now then, I am a good sized guy.  I want to loose this other person I carry around with me before I have my top surgery probably around the first of the year.  I am looking at having some torso sculpting down when I have my surgery.  Although if I'm lucky I will have my weight down and it won't be necessary.  Even though I'm older perhaps the T will be making changes to my body.  It surprises me that my current lady interest is attracted to me.  I know I will probably catch some shit for this but, I know I generally go for women that have some meat on their bones.  I have a hard time seeing a beautiful woman like my lady being interested in a guy my size.  It seems that women prefer more buff men.  So go ahead and let me have it on that one.

Tonight I have started on the road to change.  I have started purchasing some new binders.  These are a size smaller in hopes that I can eliminate the unaboob look that I see when I wear them.  I have also purchased some exercise DVD's that even with my disability I will be able to do.  I have to admit that my girlfriend is a driving force behind this.  I want to look and feel good for me but I want to do it for her as well.  I want to give her someone that she can be proud to have on her arm.  Now I know that makes her sound shallow and I don't mean it that way.  She is not like that or she wouldn't be with me now.  I want this to be another way that I show her just how special she is.  When I dress I want her to know that I take pride in looking good for her.

I think I am falling in love with her.