Just Thoughts

I'm not sure where this entry will go but here it is.

I'm sitting in my apartment just thinking about different things.  For some reason my ex has popped into my head.  I did love her even though she would say I'm full of shit.  I wonder though if part of my feelings were more that someone was interested in a pre-op Trans Guy.  Now I wonder what it means that I miss Gus and Norma Jean (the dogs) the most.  At first when my ex and my "brother" threw me away like trash I wanted to hurt them.  Now, at least for my ex, I wish her the best of luck.  She needs to seek a counselor and I hope she would take advantage of the free mental health care that she qualifies for because of her income.  My "brother" is not so fortunate in my feelings.  I still want him to pay for what he did.  I hate myself for it but that doesn't change them.  I hope his drag falls apart and he fails at anything he attempts.

Since I don't like feeling that way I have much happier things to talk about.

My new girlfriend and I are doing very well.  She has has some bad relationship experiences so I am letting her set the pace for us.  I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, awkward or pressured about anything.  I want her to be mentally and physically ready for anything that happens.  I know a lot of people don't understand how our relationship can work.  I don't really care what they think.  I care about her and she cares about me that is all that matters.  I told her that we both are learning as we go and I want to go a long way with her.  I have invited her to go on vacation with me after my name change.  She has not given me an answer yet.  She is scared and I understand why but I hope she overcomes that fear and goes with me.  I think about her all the time.  We have actually both been awake at 3am and talked online until we both were ready to go back to sleep.  I miss her when we don't talk.  She makes me so happy.  I don't know if I've ever felt quite like this.  If I have it's probably been 20 years since I felt it.