Just thoughts

Do we ever know everything there is to know about ourselves?  Do we ever get our own personal PhD?  I don't think so.  It seems to me that if that should ever happen life would cease to be interesting.  I sit here now and am starting a new page for me.  I have made a new friend and we have chatted and emailed for a little while now but tonight we meet in person over dinner.  I know this will never be a romantically involved relationship but that's ok.  You can never have too many friends that come close to understanding you. 

We both have many things in common.  I know she was nervous about contacting me and I was unsure about answering her.  She is TG, and it's not like I don't have other friends or acquaintances that are also TG.  I know both MtF and FtM and 1 that I think is more of a gender identify.  Society tries to put each and every one of us into catagories.  To me we all are our own catagory.  I know that probably doesn't make sense so I'll try to explain.  We all have different experiences in our lives.  Some of us live in fear of people finding out that we are "different".  Some are able to hide and society would never guess the truth we keep inside.  Some of us simply are what we are and couldn't hide if we wanted to.  Some shout to the world and say to hell with what anyone thinks.  I know there are people inbetween those but hey, I only have so much time and so many words.

I am one of the lucky one's.  To my family, friends and even co-workers I a simply me no matter how I present myself.  Since my LTR ended I have been able to embrace the man in me.  I am enjoying every minute of it.  I can honestly say that I was not born to the correct gender.  Even my mother has wondered why I never pursued surgery.  Of course there are the practical reasons, that's a WHOLE LOT of money.  Even as advanced as our science is today it cannot compare with nature.  Yes, it can give me the anatomy but I can buy that now and have the same amount of physical sensation for much less money. 

But the anatomy doesn't make me who I am.  I can say that I wouldn't mind the psychological effect it would have to finally have what should have been there in the first place but would it make me more of a guy than I already am?  I don't think so.  Granted it would be easier to find a partner but that's about it.  It seems to me that all the women that I come across on line are looking for a more Femme type.  Sorry, not gonna be me.  EVER!! 

Don't you just hate it when you are heading somewhere and you loose your train of thought and have no idea where you were going or what you wanted to say?  Perhaps that is a sign for me to pause for now and pick it up again later.

Please hang in there with me........