It has been a long time since my last post. Many things have happened. The most devastating thing is the passing of my mother. It was a very hard time for my family and I. I don't find myself actually being able to say much more about that at this time.
I have a niece that her father passed away 4 years ago. Since that time she has fucking lost her mind. Her face book says she lives in Honolulu and is from Munich. Really?????? Bitch PLEASE!!!!!! You are from the same small town that I am and you live 1 county away from me. I sure as hell do not live in Honolulu. She is full of excuses for things in her life. I got news for you, I was younger than you when my dad died, I pretty much raised myself after that time because mom didn't have time for me. I tried to reach out to you so you wouldn't feel alone and what happened??? YOU FUCKING IGNORED ME AND NOW YOU BLAME US FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR YOU!!!! Kiss my ass. Then you have the audacity to say after the funeral that you just attended the longest funeral ever. You need the ass whipping that you should have gotten as a child.
Tonight my ex posted pictures from a friends birthday dinner. Gee, there were six of us at dinner and who is the only person that isn't in the pictures posted (my shoulder doesn't count). I realize you still believe that I cheated and that's fine. I think like a guy, don't tell me I can do something and then blame me for what you told me was OK. If it wasn't than you shouldn't have said it. (Even my g-girlfriends have agreed with me) Then you come up and tell me you're getting married. Good, I'm glad you're happy. Then you drop the bomb.......YOU ARE MARRYING YOUR 1ST COUSIN!!!!!! How gross is that?????? Then I get to hear you on the phone with him and the whole "sweetie, baby and I love you" talk is even worse than hearing the idea that you two are marrying.
Now since this blog is supposed to be about me lets move on.
I am lost in my feelings. It has been a very long time since I have felt anything for someone. Now I have this woman that is head over heels in love with me. I care about her but I don't know what else is there. I know I miss her when we aren't together. I've talked to a few people and they just tell me that I'm thinking too much.
Now she a girlfriend that lives out of state and is moving here in a few months. She has been encouraging the 2 of us to spend more time together and to sleep together. She even through out the poly relationship idea. I don't know what to think of this. In alot of ways the fact that she is only 24 shows but then she comes off with something like the poly idea that make me wonder just how naive she truly is. She keeps pushing us together and has even talked about the possibilty of them just being friends when she gets here.
Her girlfriend even sent me a message telling me how ok she was with everything. I just am not sure about her. I can't figure her out. I worry that she is only saying these things because she feels she has to, even though she told me that wasn't true. I don't want to hurt anyone and I'm afraid that it's what will happen when she gets here. Could I just be scared and because of that my feelings are not coming through?
You need to stop thinking and follow your heart. People get hurt sometimes there is nothing we can do to stop that or change it. When they get hurt they have to suck it up and try to move on with their life. It is just part of life. You have to do what you got to do for you. Focus on you not anyone else. (((hugs)))
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