Why do people get in such a hurry in bed? Do they not realize how they can bring the level of passion and lust to new heights by taking their time and exploring their partner? The feel on your partners touch moving slowly over your skin, time spent just in touching. It can drive you crazy. Explore the body, watch the reaction and learn. Learn what your partner likes. Learn how to drive them crazy so they beg you to take them to the heights of pleasure.
I will not deny my desire for kink. I like BDSM. I like the dark side of sex. I like to give pain and even at times to receive it. I like handcuffs, being tied up, blindfolded and gagged. I also like to do those things to the person I'm with. There is so much more but I'm sure you get the idea.
I spent a very long time in a relationship where I had to deny my needs and desires. I had to keep the dark hidden from my ex because she had problems with it. I tried to surpress it, keep it only in the fantasies of my mind. I used writing as an outlet. Then that just didn't work any longer. I found someone that I could unleash that part of myself with and I liked it, ALOT! Then it had to be locked away again. I knew it couldn't stay there.
I knew I had to find someone that could and would except all of who I am. It is as much a part of me as my sense of humor. I can never go back to a relationship with someone that will not let that part of me exist. I'm not saying that every time has to be like that. But there are times that it is needed and wanted.
I know not everyone has these tastes. Sometimes though regardless of how you feel if you love someone you give them what they need. And at times that is exactly what it is. If you truly love someone don't you want to please them in the most intimate ways? It is not always about you. There are times that I want to just fuck the brains out of my partner and that is all I want. It doesn't matter if I am physically pleased or not. That is not the desire at the time. The desire is to simply give pleasure to her.
Don't get me wrong there are times where I want mine and that is all. I think everyone has moments like that. It has to be about something other than just yourself. So what if what pleases them doesn't do anything for you? How do you know there aren't times where they have fucked you in a way they do not desire but simply did it because you enjoy it? To receive their best you have to give also.
I guess Alex pretty much said it all!
ReplyDelete:0) I am a bad girl can't help it.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely nothing wrong with that!!!!!
ReplyDeletePlus...honesty is wonderful!
I appreciate all these comments. However, I would like to hear comments on what I wrote. How do you feel about it? Do you agree or disagree?
ReplyDeleteTo be honest enough to express your sexual thoughts and longings is huge. Describing them as "It is as much a part of me as my sense of humor" is really profound.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that everyone has moments of "me" sexually. After all we are just human when the day ends.
I know you well enough to understand the bigger part of you doesn't operate that way and just because the "BDSM" culture seems to be more of a give than a take...you have explained it is not.
Not going back to a relationship that does not include your desires obviously is a wise choice. Life is too short and ultimately denying your wants would doom the relationship.
The bottom line is I feel you are on the threshold of really growing your life in the way YOU want it to go.
You are growing your self esteem and maybe won't have to work two jobs and go to school to enjoy yourself for a change.
The final comment I have is "try to enjoy the ride of discovery". I so understand the struggles with gender identity and a different sexual existence!
You do have to understand sometimes you are difficult to talk to!!!!!
I agree with what you said. You are right. Sometimes partners should give into things even if they are not comfortable with it. Plus, sometimes we don't know if we will like something till we try it. Not fair when a partner shoots down the idea before they try it.
ReplyDeleteI know, I can not be in a relationship were there is no kink at all. There is a part of me that calls to it. People need to understand it's not like you are hurting your partner. It's just an illusion. They have the right to tell you to stop.
This is one of my favorite blogs you have wrote. Thanks for sharing what is on your mind.
Crysti is right you are growing. You have so much going for you. You are fabulous, and never forget it.
You are quite right. Life is too short. I was miserable for too long to even consider turning back that way now.
ReplyDeleteJust the thought of trying to do that brings so much pain that I could never live that way again. People don't understand sometimes what it's like to have these desires that "society" says are wrong. It took "Draco" for me to be able to accept that part of me and I will always think Him for that.
I try to be as open as I can but that is still very difficult at times. You are always afraid of that look or horror and the rejection that goes along with it. Sometimes it makes me more intense then I mean to be.
Cyrsti, I would like to know what you mean about me being hard to talk to. I do not want to be perceived that way and would like to know what I need to do to change it.
Thanks both of you for your input. Contrary to popular beliefs I do listen. (Just don't tell my family)
Maybe it's just me (can't be right?) Sometimes I can predict when you are going to shutdown a text conversation with about 3 straight one word answers. I feel it's time to go...did something wrong.
ReplyDeleteDarlin I promise to tell you if it is ever something like that. Sometimes I just have so much "stuff" running through my head at one time that I lose focus.
ReplyDeleteCool! Just tell me...Cyrsti you are "jabberin!"
ReplyDeleteYour words touched me in a profound way. Repression of desires is not a very fulfilling way to live. I had a special lover, we were together during most of her transitioning time. Yes it was a double life but so fantastic. She was a pre-op, even had implants eventually; she was always open to experiment as experience. Dabbling in the dark desires that society labels taboo publicly but privately embraces is one of the ironies of life. She was eventually transferred out west due to a job promotion and the void she left is cavernous. I enjoy your blogs........you're very interesting
ReplyDeleteThank you for your input and your compliment. Repression is a very hard way to live. I did not recognize my dark desires until about 9 years ago. As I've stated before my ex had her own demons that stopped her from being willing to explore.
ReplyDeleteI have only truly embraced this part of myself actively within the last couple of years. Prior to that my only expression was through my writings for a few special friends.
That is not a way I ever care to live again. I do not know where I will end up or who I will end up with. The only thing I do know is that I will never be able to hide myself again nor do I wish too. The special someone that I choose will know all of me and will want to experience and grow together.
I hope that I might be that special someone. I would love to get to know all of you. I want to grow and experience new things in life and in bed with you. I understand if I am not that person tho.
ReplyDelete