Stuck in a circle?

I know I haven't posted here for some time.  Where does time go?  I feel like I keep going through the same things over and over again.  It has been a little over a year since my mom died.  Sometimes talking about her I will tear up and cry a little.  The sad part is I don't feel a loss with her gone.  I loved my mother but I didn't not like her as a person.  She was a vindictive bitch.  She always knew just the right things to say that would cut you to the bone.  She would apologize later and say that she didn't think about what she was saying but that was a lie.  She knew exactly what she was doing.  I am the most sensitive of her children and I seemed to be her favorite target.  She would talk about me to people in front of me like I wasn't even there. 

Last year was rough.  After mom died my sister had so many issues and I had to be the strong one for her.  That's ok, we are family and it's what we do.  I did so much for her financially, emotionally and pretty much any other way you can think of.  At one point mom decided that any money that was left over after she was gone, she wanted my sister and I to split the money.  Then she decided that she wanted us to split the money with our brother.  I didn't have a problem with that if it was what she wanted.  Did I agree with it? No, I didn't.  I realize he had to do whatever was needed for his family but he left alot of shortcomings when it came to mom.  I felt he disrespected her in many, many ways.  But she wanted the money split with him so we did.  At first the money came to the 2 of us and I said that until everything was through probate and we knew for sure what we had that the money should just be put in the bank. 

I didn't realize at first that our sister spent the money.  So when it came time to divide the money, I covered our brother's share so no one would know what had happened.  As the year went on she gradually started getting worse and worse until she finally had a nervous breakdown and had to go into the hospital for awhile.  I finally opened up to our brother about what had been going on.  They were going to pay me the money back that they got from mom.  I told them I wouldn't take it because sis screwed up and sis would be the one to make it right. 

Then they had to do surgery on my brother and remove a tumor the size of a medium pizza from his leg.  While in recover he had a mild heart attack.  He got out of the hospital and was doing well.  Then all hell broke loose with my sister.  It got ugly and she decided to use me as a whipping post because she didn't have the balls to stand up to the people she was truly mad at.  She basically told me to fuck off and that she was moving on alone and goodbye.  I called her back and told her that I had stood by her even when I thought she was wrong but that I could not take this anymore.  If she wanted to move on then fine because I was done.  She has since apologized but she has killed something inside me.  I don't feel the closeness that we have shared for so many years.  I don't enjoy her company anymore.  Perhaps that is a defense mechanism kicking in.

I then get a call from my sister-in-law.  They found 9 new tumors in my brothers lungs.  They had to go in and put in 3 stents for his heart so because of that and a problem with his blood they have been unable to do the biopsies on the tumors.  Now they have told him that there is nothing else they can do for him.  I have lost a grandfather, father, mother, brother, and too many uncles and cousins all to cancer.  And now I know it is going to take my other brother, we just don't know when. 

So here I am again trying to manage 2 jobs, school, and the family issues.  I am trapped in a vicious cycle and I have no idea on how to get out.