Really down

Today started out uncomfortable.  I had a meeting set with 2 of my bosses and I knew it wasn't going to be good.  I have been dreading this meeting for a week now.  Both of them have been taking chunks out of my ass of late.  Even now thinking about it I fight back tears. 

Apparently I am giving off the wrong perception.  That I'm not giving my all.  That I am lacksidaisical in my approach to my job.  Right down to my wearing my sunglasses when I have a migraine.  One of my boss's said she didn't know that's why I wore them.  Hello.......I have told her that before and why else would someone only on occassions where their sunglasses in the building????

I have been busting my ass for over a year now trying to convince them to create a new job for me.  Then today I get told that even if they add more positions I'm not guaranteed anything.  They will have to be posted and I would have to apply for one of them.  I find that a slap in the face.  I have pushed myself to do everything they asked of me and yes I have had some issues in the early parts of the year.  But this???  I know I have not been at my best since mom died.  I am trying. 

Then also to have someone pass from my ex's family that I have known over 20 years.  The viewing was tonight and to have all this hit in one day made for a rough day.  I am so tired.  I have decided to take the summer off from school even though I haven't been back that long.  My bosses also told me that I need to go talk to someone so I can get myself back on track.  They way they talked it sounds like if I don't make an improvement in 30 days my job may be in danger. 

So......I guess we will see what happens.