3 Month Anniversary

As of Wednesday 7/24/13 my girlfriend and I celebrated our 3 month anniversary.  It is hard to believe that it has been 3 months.  It has went by so quickly.  I have been so happy.  This week has so many things happening.  I have been on T for 4 1/2 months as of last Monday and this coming Saturday the 27th will be the 1 year anniversary of my brother's passing.

I remember telling him shortly before his death of my plan to transition.  He told me that his only regret was that he wouldn't be here to see the result.  I'm sure somewhere he is watching everything.  I know he is not happy at all with the things happening to his wife but it is not for me to discuss.

My therapist is referring me to a different Endocrinologist.  I have not been happy to be on such a low dose.  I called him the week of the 4th because I have noticed that around day 10 that I start to feel the drop of hormones.  The office called me because they didn't understand my message and I was told the they would call me back.  I have yet to hear from them.  I am thinking that they are waiting until my appointment on the 7th of next month.  By the time I see him again it will be 5 months on T and I realize that the changes will be slow because of my age but I want to see more than I have so far.  What I have noticed so far is that my skin has gotten oilier, my body temp has increased, my sex drive has increased and a certain body part below the waist has gotten larger.  With not being able to consider top surgery until next year I need to see some physical changes.  Sometimes it makes me feel so unbalanced.  This need makes me feel so insecure sometimes.  It makes me question things that I normally wouldn't question.  Yesterday was such a happy day and today I'm feeling very agitated.  I feel like I just want to peel my skin off to let the inside out.  I feel like I need something, I just wish I could figure out what it was.

I'm not sure how the anniversary of my brother's passing is going to go.  I have tried not to think about it much.  I'm not looking forward to it but I don't know how it's going to make me feel.  Part of me feels detached from it.  I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.  Worrying about it won't change anything.

The happy time here is my girlfriend.  I love her very much.  My life has been so much happier with her.  There is no drama, no petty jealousy.  Nothing.  She respects me and is someone that I can and do respect very much.  I don't have to try to be what she wants.  I can just be me.  I want the best for her and for her to be happy.  I want her to know how much I love her and will support her in anything she wants to do.  I am so looking forward to the future and seeing how we grow together.  We compliment each other so well.  Everyone tells me how much happier and calmer I am now that I don't have crazy to deal with.